A tree planting

On Sunday we had a Harvest bring-and-share meal at Church. As you can see from the first picture, Rowan has started grabbing some food Baby Led Weaning style though she is really only gumming things.Then we spent some time with them planting Connor's placenta under the Cherry tree Ashleigh bought as a New Baby gift (just perfect!). I got some lovely pictures of them - I'll share without too much chat. I just love these people so much...All blessings and love, for a precious boy. And his wonderful Mama and bear of a Dadda too.

Connor and family

Feeling so much better for having spent the day hassling them at the hospital. Today little Connor is plumping out, looks a million times better, is crying PROPERLY, and... About an hour ago he took a proper breastfeed! :)Emma is seriously amazing. I would be in pieces! She's very very unimpressed with the BF specialist who told her on Monday that he was "doing great and latching fine" when he clearly wasn't! And also that at the hospital they had her expressing (for the suplementation tube) every four hours and they clearly hadn't a clue that if she expresses more often she'll get more milk... *sigh*

Chris is also doing great, still floundering a bit wanting to fix it though. He's such a great dad, so sensitive to his boy, and supporting Em even when he's freaked out. He spent a half hour playing with my children with Connor in his arms and took great joy in beating Jenna at table hockey ONE HANDED!They had these things in a certain little parcel today, and were thrilled and very touched. Thankyou so much, Squee!

Oh, and this is hanging in one of the entrances to the lovely brand new children's ward they are on - I want one! It is all beautifully quilted and even has little crochet jellyfish. (Seriously, crochet jellyfish? Now that is cool.) In fact, the whole unit is so nice - their room even has big windows! It is unlike any hospital room I have ever been in. We are thankful for small mercies. Many many small mercies.

You probably noticed I'm not posting so much...

That's because it's so hard to post a load of lovely happy pictures when someone else is suffering and there's so little I can do to help. This should be a joyful post. And instead it's another struggling one.

Connor Christopher was born last week, at home in water, with his lovely amazing mama bossing the midwives around and being in the birthing zone just as she wanted to be. He is gorgeous.And then he was refusing the breast, taking hardly any milk, until I told them that if they didn't call LLL I was going to get a taxi over there at any cost and inflict my children on them until they got help. His little cry was so weak. :(

The LLL lady was amazing, and made a huge difference. But then the midwife weighed the baby (!) and he had lost weight (!) and one thing leads to another and now he's in hospital being tube fed expressed milk to build his strength up for nursing again. All his tests came back perfect though, so apart from being stressed out and tired and hungry and on a tube he's doing OK.

And Emma is doing great, she's being so strong and brave for him.

It's like Jenna all over again, only my mum was there with suggestions 24/7 and we weren't made to go in to hospital. His loss was more or less the same as hers, though she was starting to latch on by now (albeit causing great pain).

And I want to fix it. But I can't. And it's hard.

And I shouldn't be making this about me.

I wish I could manage to show you all the happy pictures, planting Connor's placenta and shared meals with the newly grown family, and all of the fun play from this chaotic week. But I don't think I can. It's all too raw today.

More of the crawling lovely

Well, she is so delicious. She is so funny, full of everything and such a happy baby. Her smile lights up the room, and her laugh - well it makes me laugh right back at her every time. She is just right. In every way.

Equinox fires

We had fire, fresh bread, soup, and an evening in the dark garden. Nah, I can't find the words today. You'll just have to see for yourselves.

A walk to the park

Tuesday afternoon, and a beautiful blustery day for walking. Three days past her due date and Emma is looking glowingly beautiful. And not too tired for towing a two year old.PS Can't wait to welcome this baby! So soon!

Ashleigh!

A post dedicated to the lovely Ashleigh. She joined us for our usual Monday morning trip to Story Time, came out for a great lunch at Nandos, and took us all up in the big wheel. We had a fab day, thankyou so much for your company.And also for your knitting. ;)

Ecofest Weekend and shopping pictures

Squee was here again. :) We had a board games night on friday at which I cooked for ten people (pasta with pesto - and fresh bread) and totally lost at Scrabble. This is the most serious I have EVER seen Leanne looking.Saturday morning we had apple dipped in honey, and fresh round loaves of raisin Challah for breakfast. This is my new favorite recipe and it is serious special occasion bread.200ml water
50g honey
2 whole eggs and 1 yolk
50g melted butter
600g white flour (plain flour or bread flour, either works fine)
2tsp yeast
pinch salt

I use the Tassajara method still, use half of the flour to make a paste which rises on its own for an hour before the salt and fat and the rest of the flour go in for kneading. :) Try plaited loaves! This quantity makes two. :)

We spent the entire weekend doing activities and enjoying the fairtrade stalls (and veggie burgers) at Ecofest. We spent every last penny in Martin's bank account too lol, but it was worth it.Here we have Martin's new warm winter hat, with dragon spikes... A £1-from-La-Leche-League nappy (I now know where they meet again! And I can get there!)... Fairtrade Palestinian olive wood candle sticks (Leanne sneaked back and bought them when I wasn't looking because I was dithering about whether I could afford them)... And a very warm furry soft blanket made from recycled plastic (!).And in this frame lol - my new hat, with flower... More nappies... And Jenna's new long skirt (purple, to the right) and mine (patchwork orange, to the left).

Why I love co-sleeping

For one thing, sometimes when I slip out early in the morning I get to come back to scenes like this!Morgan has been nursing so much more since she was ill, and she has also been joining us in bed partway through the night a fair bit too. Martin has a distinct lack of space, but I kind of like it. And for what it's worth, the fact that he finds it so difficult and yet still gives himself over to it, still chooses love and gentleness and peace? I admire the parent that my husband is SO much. I admire the person that he is. :)

So many things pass so quickly, and this too will soon be over. So better to smile and see the sweet, precious and loving toddler that she is. So easy, if I think about it, to drop the little niggles of resentment that come from comparisons and pushing her to be someone else.These little moments are perfection itself.

For Squee

This addictive little puzzle is still here...Waiting for you...PS - Angie, Luke, you have no idea what you started... I am up to six different solutions (two of which are technically only slight variations). I bet you thought this would be a good kids toy, and, well, it is. If the kids ever get a look in...

Buying new

I HATE shopping for clothes for the girls. Yeah I know I've complained about this before, but I really really really do avoid it at all costs and I've just pretty much had to give in and get some things for Jenna. Usually I'm skilled in the art of finding things for nothing, but although I've had some great freebies and a couple of nice charity shop bits, this girl keeps on getting taller and her wardrobe is even more empty than mine (!) so when we saw actual little-girl-suitable things in Tesco...OK there is a little vestige of guilt at buying new. And buying SUPERMARKET new. But the girl has clothes! Nice clothes, that aren't too pastel nicey nicey, are fairly tough and loose-fitting and proper PLAY CLOTHES. She chose a skirt, and it's cord and knee length!

Now all the people who don't have children are wondering what on earth I'm going on about, and all the parents with older girls are going, "ooh, Tesco did you say?" ;)

Even better, my big girl also has new boots. Hot pink Doc Martens no less. And a coat. Which I *really* want in my size. This coat. It's more purple than the picture, and has one of those gathered backs so it's all swirly and full.So yes, I could have that rant again about older girls clothes all being pre-teen and icky, and all the shoes being School Shoes etc etc don't-even-get-me-started-on-the-gender-specific-grossness-and-slogan-type-stuff but... I found my girly some clothes! She likes them. I like them. She can live in them, play in them, climb in them. Thank goodness for that!

Late Assortment

Dedicated to Trena, who has been complaining about the lack of recent posting. ;)

The industrial museum in Derby. This is the first time in aages I've taken the children to the Silk Mill, because it's more of a museum with things in cases than the Museum of Natural History where there are buttons to press and places to run around without getting glared at for making too much noise.Outside on the green there were things going on. Morgan had to dance.Tired babies! The events going on were something to do with the fireworks on Darley Park that happen every year, hey any excuse. We tried to get to everything, and missed most of it lol. This was the best night.The mobile of drummers was amazing! We didn't get in until late but it was so worth it.Oddly dressed people with floating crystal balls. Yup, it really was one of those weekends.We love to drum. What a funny little concentrating face Rowan has.Morgan asleep on the bench in Subway, overwhelmed by tiredness and the last traces of her cold. Poor mite! And as always, the occasional charity shop bargain, and lots and lots of play! Magnetic puppet theatre, £1.